It's a rainy day in Nashville and I'm always a little afraid when it gets like this. The rain makes me feel kind of sullen and like I just want to retreat into myself. That's only scary because sometimes I don't have the guts to deal with me!
In day to day life though, I'm pretty fearless. I'm totally one of those people that you probably shouldn't dare to do anything harmful because I just don't care - I'm gonna do it. And I'm constantly talking smack to people who could very easily kick my assets. I once followed this man all the way to his job so that I could get out of my car and yell at him for cutting me off in traffic and giving me the finger. (Seriously, don't try that at home, but I can't lie - the scared crapless look on his face was pretty high-larious!...) Then a few months ago, I chased down this dude and tripped him because he wouldn't let my nephew play in the ball pit at 'Great Times'. I'm actually fortunate to be alive, come to think of it.
But for all my chutzpah, it's the simplest things that scare the crap out of me. For instance, I had to send my new songs to a producer recently, and I swear you would have thought I was sending firearms overseas, I was so nervous. And I'm constantly over-committing myself because I'm genuinely afraid of making people feel slighted. The worst is love stuff. Thank gosh I've always been w/ men who were 'proactive'. Otherwise, I'd be forced to take it back to the playground and write notes: CHECK YES OR NO. WILL YOU GO WITH ME???!
But I guess those things are so scary because they mean something. The closer things are to your heart, the more damage they can seem to do... if you let them. So I suppose I'm writing this as a little reminder (to me) to redirect all that brazenness into stuff that really matters.
And so boys and girls, I leave you with some of my favorite words ever written. And above is what I always sing when I'm feeling like a wimp. :)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson